


Jealousy X And X Fear

by lucasloverl



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Crying, Embarrassed Killua Zoldyck, Fear, First Dates, Friendship, Gay Gon Freecs, Gay Killua Zoldyck, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, POV First Person, POV Killua Zoldyck, Pining Gon Freecs, Protective Killua Zoldyck, Rejection, i love these two so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 16:37:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20410930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucasloverl/pseuds/lucasloverl
Summary: Killua is torn between jealousy and fear as he gets ready to leave Gon forever. Takes place after Gon and Killua fight Knuckle and Shoot. Spoilers for the Chimera Ant Arc.





	Jealousy X And X Fear

“Hey Killua,” says my best friend to me, “Have you gone on a date before?”

“Of course not,” I reply. “Have you?”

“Yea I have.” Wait what? “Although most of them were with my Aunt Mito.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. Wait, relief? Why should I care if Gon has gone on a date before?

“Oh that makes sense. Wait, most? There were others?”

“Yea there were ships full of women that came to Whale Island. Some of them liked younger guys so they asked me to show them around and then they would teach me stuff,” Gon explains. I can’t believe my ears. Gon dated older women before? Why? He should be dating me-wait where did that came from? I feel my face getting a little hot at the thought of Gon dating me.

“I think those kinds of women are called cougars,” he says a matter-of-factly. I can’t believe Gon just said all that with a straight face! This means…he’s experienced.

Gon and I are currently working out at the gym but where’d this conversation came from, someone might ask. Gon has a date tomorrow with an older woman named Palm. There are two problems with this though: one, Gon can’t use his Nen right now and two, Palm is fucking crazy. I can’t believe Gon agreed to go out with her but I suppose he can date whoever he wants. But I can’t help but be a little jealous. I guess after 30 days pass it won’t matter anymore anyways.

Why? Because we’re going our separate ways.

I’m going to miss Gon but its time. I...I can’t be his friend anymore. A little while ago we started hunting the Chimera Ants with Gon as well as his dad’s friend, named Kite. Something happened and we were forced to run. Then we were given a challenge to defeat the two people chasing us or we wouldn’t be allowed to go back to the NGL to help Kite. We trained with Bisky but it didn’t matter. They were too strong. Gon fought a guy named Knuckle and he got his ass handed to him. He lost his ability to use Nen for 30 days as a result. But the main problem was my fight….

I had to fight a guy named Shoot. The night before the fight though I trained alone with Bisky. She...really let me have it which is putting it lightly. She told me the truth that I’ve always feared, that one day I would leave Gon to die. And she proved it. She said I always think like a loser, which is half right. I don’t think like a loser. I am a loser. She told me to fight Shoot and win. If I didn’t, I was to stay out of Gon’s life. She said if I stayed with him while continuing to run from danger, I really would leave Gon to die one day.

She was right of course.

I “fought” Shoot. Fought him, what a joke. I just stood there, scared, while he beat me. I wanted to fight, I really did. But as soon as we started fighting, I heard a voice telling me to run. It was my brother.

Illumi. He always taught me not to fight an opponent that I wasn’t sure I could beat. I don’t know why his voice appeared in my head but once it did I froze. I couldn’t fight. I tried. I really did but I couldn’t do anything. While I didn’t exactly run and I did manage to throw a few attacks, I practically ran.

So afterwards I knew it. I knew Bisky was right. I will leave Gon to die one day. So we’re going to go our separate ways and I’ll stay out of his life forever.. I know Gon will argue. I know Gon will disagree but its for the best. I know it is.

So I decided. I will protect Gon while he can’t use his Nen but then after that I’ll leave. Maybe I’ll leave in the middle of the night. I know he’ll be sad but it really is for the best.

I’m sorry Gon but this really is for the best.

But for now, I have to protect him on his date. Like I said before Palm is fucking crazy. If she gets mad for some reason, Gon doesn’t have any way to protect himself. But that’s tomorrow. For now we’re on our way back to our hotel room.

“Hey Killua, what’s wrong? You look kinda down.”

I smile sadly. Is it that obvious that someone like Gon can tell?

“It’s nothing Gon,” I lie.

“But Killua...”

“I told you its nothing.”

“Are you sure? It doesn’t sound like its nothing.” And then after a few moments he smirks knowingly. “Oh I get it,”

“What?”

“Jealous?”

Jealous, what the hell? I mean he’s not wrong but still, what gave him that idea?

“What do I have to be jealous for dummy?”

“You want to date Palm, don’t ya?”

I almost fall over in surprise.

“Are you kidding? Why would I want to date her? No thanks. I’m not into crazy chicks.” I’m not into women in general. They all seem annoying. Besides these days the only one I seem to be into is you Gon.

“Then...me?”

I feel my face getting hot in embarrassment.

“No!”

Yes.

Gon starts laughing.

“What the hell’s so funny?”

“Aww Killua’s embarrassed!”

“Dammit Gon, stop embarrassing me!”

“Haha nope! You’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

I start chasing him as he runs to the hotel. “I’ll show you cute! Get back here!”

Wait, did Gon just say I’m cute? He’s the one being cute. Fuck...if this keeps up, I might change my mind about leaving. I chase Gon all the way back to the hotel, reaching him a few times but every time I do, he would just jump on top of me and run off. He’s such a crazy kid, always full of energy. But really, I’m having a lot of fun with him right now. We reach our room at pretty much the same time but Gon somehow manages to get inside first and when I get in, he pounces me, knocking me to the floor. That kinda annoyed me actually...but only a little. I can’t stay mad at him though, especially since he got on top of me and is practically straddling me and right now, he looks kinda cute...

“Hey what’s the big idea?” I ask.

Gon giggles. “I beat you,” he says cheerfully.

Its now that I noticed that he’s pretty close. Too close actually. I would push him off me but he’s so strong and he’s holding me so tightly if I put any extra force into it, I might hurt him. But still...I can’t help but be embarrassed. I feel my face getting hot and I look to the side.

“What are you talking about idiot? We came in the room at the same time.”

“Yea but I pinned ya so I win!”

“You do realize I can just push you off right?”

Gon doesn’t respond to that, he just smiles. Oh fuck; its almost like he’s deliberately acting cute to mess with me.

“Now tell me what’s wrong Killua,” Gon says.

I look into his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes. Dammit Gon is serious about this. But still, I can’t tell him.

“Is it really my date with Palm?” he asks, suddenly acting serious. “Do you want me to cancel?” he says, clearly unsure. He promised Palm but...is he seriously considering canceling for my sake? How unlike him. He never breaks a promise on purpose but he’s willing to for me? No, I can’t let him do that.

“What? Are you crazy? You can’t cancel on her idiot! She’ll go apeshit!”

Gon sits back with a concerned look on his face. “I know and I promised her but if you don’t want me to...”

“But nothing. You go on that date and try not to do or say anything stupid.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

Yes I do. I wish it was me...no I can’t get too attached to Gon. We’re going our separate ways soon..

“N-No I don’t mind.” I think he can tell that was a lie based on his face. His look of concern never goes away so I try to reassure him. “Really. I don’t mind. Date whoever you want.”

Gon’s look of concern still doesn’t go away. Instead he leans forward so facing me again. I must have a hurt look on my face which I try to will away but I can’t. He leans forward even more and gives me a little kiss on the forehead. I try to push him away but he’s still holding me so I just look away in embarrassment.

“W-Why’d you do that?”

“Because you look hurt...I wanted to cheer you up.”

“By kissing me?” Gon’s such an idiot. “You’re only supposed to do that if you like someone, not to cheer them up.”

“I know.. But I wanted to kiss you as well. I mean we are best friends and I like you.”

“Idiot, that’s not what I meant. I meant if you...” Agh this is so aggravating! I want to tell Gon how I feel. But I can’t. We’re not even gonna be friends anymore.

“Get off me,” I say, as I try to push him off.

“Oh...” Gon doesn’t say anything else and just gets off me. “Sorry Killua,” he says as he walks over to the bed. I catch the look on his face. It is full of nothing but hurt.

I’m sorry Gon. I’m sorry but I can’t get close to you anymore. No matter how much I want to.

Gon and I don’t speak for the rest of the night. We both go to bed and I wait until he falls asleep before getting up again. I can’t sleep at all. Everything that happened tonight is flashing through my mind. Him accepting Palm’s request for a date. His playfulness. That kiss. What if...he really does like me in that way? I rejected him but I feel the same. Ugh I feel horrible. To pass the time I decide to practice the letter I’m going to leave him when I go. So I sit at the desk and take out a piece of paper and a pen. This needs to be worded perfectly so Gon doesn’t blame himself although part of me knows he will blame himself regardless.

_Gon,_

_This is the hardest thing I’ve ever written. First, I know you’re probably confused right now. Like where am I right now. You’ve been asking me what’s wrong with me lately. Well, this is it. _

_I want to thank you for your friendship but its over. Our friendship can’t continue. You’re probably wondering why. You might even blame yourself but I assure you it has nothing to do with you. Its my fault. Because one day I know I will leave you to die._

I sigh before I continue.

_I wish it didn’t have to be this way but it is. Remember when you fought Knuckle? You fought so hard while I was supposed to fight Shoot. You know what I did? I got my ass kicked. But it wasn’t because I fought hard and lost. No...it was because I was too scared to fight. I’m not sure what it is but I keep having flashbacks to my brother telling me never to fight anyone unless I was certain I would win. I don’t know why this is happening but all that means to me is that I can’t be with you anymore because if I am, I’m afraid I really will run away and leave you to die one day._

_I’m sorry it came to this but I made my decision. Now that your Nen isn’t sealed anymore, you don’t need a loser like me around, do you? Goodbye Gon. And please, don’t try to find me._

_Love Killua._

As I’m writing my name, I notice the paper getting wet with my tears. No...I can’t cry. I can’t regret this decision...but I do. I want to stay with Gon. I really want that but I can’t. Not matter how much I want to, I can’t.

“Hey Killua, what’re you doing?” I hear over my shoulder. In a panic, I ball up the paper and look at him.

“N-Nothing Gon. Go to bed.”

“What are you writing?”

I look at the balled up paper in my hands and without thinking, I sharpen my nails into claws and quickly slash at the ball of paper multiple times. I slash it into so many pieces there’s no chance of being able to read any words I wrote. “Nothing. I wasn’t writing anything,” I chuckle nervously.

“Killua...”

“No its nothing really; just a stupid letter from my family.” Damn there’s no way he’ll buy that.

“Oh...” Gon says. I can tell; he knows that’s another lie. “Ok goodnight Killua.” He then lies back down in the bed and goes to sleep.

“Goodnight Gon...” I’m sorry Gon.

…

The next day is Gon’s date with Palm. We don’t talk much until the date happens and then once Gon gets ready, I tell him I’ll be at the gym. I head to the gym but once I get there I use Zetsu and run back. I have to protect Gon throughout his date, from Palm and any enemy that might attack him. I follow them both as they go to many locations. They generally seem like they’re having fun. Dammit I wish I could have that much fun with Gon. No...I can’t go back there. But I kinda feel like some stalker or something following them around. Oh well, its all to protect Gon, I tell myself.

After Gon and Palm stop at this tree he wanted to show her, I sense a Chimera Ant approaching. Now’s the time but if I fight it here, Gon will definitely notice and knowing him, he’ll want to fight even though his Nen is sealed. I can’t let that happen so I go upwind to head off the enemy. Hey wait...I recognize this guy.

Its the Chimera Ant Gon and I fought in the NGL. He was pretty weak then so I should be able to handle him myself. But wait, he can use Nen? What the fuck? Oh no...this might be harder than I realize.

“Oh its you,” he says. “Where’s that other brat?”

Damn. How strong is he? His aura is intense.

“Looks like your luck’s run out kid. I’m going to make you experience a hell you’re never going to forget. So where’s that little friend of yours? If you tell me now I’ll make it quick. Well I guess he isn’t far. He is your friend right? I’ll just kill you and then he’ll find me, right?

He’s right. I can’t let Gon interfere no matter what. I get into a fighting stance. If I don’t beat this guy now, its all over. Don’t worry Gon, I will protect you.

“_Run.”_

What? No...not again.

“_Run.”_

Get out of my head Illumi!

“_Run._”

Stop it! I have to fight. I have to protect Gon!

“_Run.”_

Damn what do I do? I’m paralyzed with fear. I can’t fight but I refuse to run. The ant is beating me up but it doesn’t hurt. Not at all. But still...I’m not sure I can beat it. Not with Illumi’s stupid voice in my head telling me to run.

“_When your enemy is unknown, run away.”_

“Shut up! I won’t listen to you!”I shout. It probably confuses the hell out of the Chimera Ant but I don’t care. I just try anything to shut him up. Stupid Illumi.

“_Run.”_

No stop talking to me. I will protect him

“_Run.”_

Gon, you’re my best friend I will protect you.

“_Run.”_

“Leave me alone Illumi!”

“_Run.”_

Gon is…

“_Run.”_

...my…

“_Run.”_

...best…

“_Run.”_

...friend….

“_Run.”_

“Gon’s my best friend; I love him!” I scream loudly. It is then I feel something in my head. Something that’s bothering me a lot. I poke my thumb into my head and I pull. Whatever it is I’ll pull it out.

I instinctively dodge the ant’s attack and as I regain my composure, I noticed that I did indeed pull something out of my head. I open my hand and I see a needle. Oh…I get it now. So that’s what happened.

I smirk. So Illumi planted this needle in me. “That Illumi...this entire time...Why didn’t I notice this before?” I look back at the ant, who is confused.

I laugh. “Illum planted this inside my head,” I say despite knowing the ant his no idea what I’m talking about. “Ah...I feel much better now.” I sigh with relief. “I’m completely awake or maybe I should say I’ve finally been freed. ” This is so true. I never felt better in my entire life. Its like the fear and anxiety is completely gone. But enough of that; there’s no time to waste. I let out my boodlust and glare at the ant.

“If you come anywhere near us, you will die. Go ahead and tell the other Chimera Ants too,” I warn.

“Why you-!”

I don’t have time for this. I tear off the ant’s head. “Fine. Who cares?” I crush the ant’s head, killing him instantly. His body collapses behind me and I fall down on the ground in relief. I look at the needle in my hand again. This changes everything. If this...thing is the reason for my fear now that its gone, I won’t run away and leave Gon to die, will I? I bet I’m right.. As soon as I removed it, Illumi’s voice disappeared. I don’t think I’ll ever feel the urge to run away again. I suddenly remind myself to check on Gon and I stand up to run back over to where he is.

Or maybe I should have said was. Where’d he go? His bag is still here so I grab it and go out to find him. I run around the city, checking until I sense Palm’s aura. Gon must be there too. I run to where I sense Palm and I find them at Palm’s hotel room. She’s making him write something over and over.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“I’m punishing him for hurting my feelings, that’s what he’s doing,” Palm explains.

Seriously? “Well knock it off. You’re being unreasonable, don’t you see that?”

I look over to Gon. At least he’s okay.

“Leave us alone” she says. “This is none of your business.”

The hell? None of my business? Ok she’s kinda starting to annoy me.

“Shut up stupid! This is definitely my business because Gon’s my business!”

Gon slowly looks over to me but then back down to his note. What was that look for? Was it something I said? Ugh enough of this.

“Why don’t you just go away?

She just looks at me and suddenly she asks, “Where did you get those wounds?”

Where’d that come from? “Nothing. Just at the gym.”

“I see.” She grabs a knife. “Let me give you some more!” She attacks me but I dodge easily.

“Palm! Your knife is too slow. I easily could dodge that in my sleep.”

“You...why? He went out with me even though he...”

Huh?

Then she shrieks, “You brat!” Oh crap; now she’s mad. Like hell I’m gonna let Gon be around her for another second. I quickly pick up Gon and run out while she chases us.

“Catch us if you can stupid!” I yell back at her.

“If it wasn’t for you-!”

I have no idea what she’s saying but I don’t care. I just keep running.

“Killua...”

I ignore Gon and keep running. I can’t afford to stop until he’s safe. We lose her in no time flat.

“Let me go; you’re just making her even madder.”

“Screw that; if we ditch her now we won’t have to see her again!”

“But...”

“Are you really saying you _do _want to see her again?” I swear if he says yes...

“Um...” Gon starts; he seems unsure of what to say. “I donno. I do feel bad though.”

I’m actually not surprised. Gon’s such a nice guy, he would feel bad for something like this. Well at least he didn’t say he wants to see her for sure.

“What exactly did you say to her anyways?”

“I said I gotta train to save Kite.”

“Seriously? She’s totally possessive!”

I run to out hotel room carrying Gon the whole time. I probably didn’t need to carry him that far but I still did. Back in our room, I put Gon down and sit on the couch, exhausted. Fuck I need a shower.

“Hey Gon I’m gonna take a shower if you don’t mind.”

“Um...ok.” I’m sure Gon’s confused as to why I’m dirty and bloody if I was only working out at the gym like I told him but he doesn’t say anything. I get a clean pair of clothes from the dresser and I walk to the bathroom. I close the door and get undressed. I turn on the water and hop in the shower. I sigh as I think about what happened recently.

Damn so much happened. I was ready to leave Gon forever. I can’t believe it. Was my fear that great? I mean I guess it was because of Illumi’s needle but I can’t help but get angry at myself for it. Come to think of it, I did take it out on Gon as well. I think back to last night. Gon kissed me…and I rejected him. I pushed him away because I was scared of my own feelings. I must’ve hurt him really bad. I think that was the first night in, well, ever that we went to bed without talking to each other. I have to apologize. I sigh and lean against the shower wall and just let the water run all over me. Dammit...I’m tired of being scared. I have to let him know how I feel. I have to let him know that I love him.

I finish my shower and turn off the water. I put on a fresh set of clothes and walk out of the bathroom, refreshed from both the shower and pulling out that damn needle. Gon was just sitting there, as if he was waiting for me.

“Ah...I feel better,” I sigh.

Gon looks at me and smiles. “I’m glad.”

“Yea. Well I would ask how your date went but I think I already know the answer.”

“Oh it wasn’t _that _ bad.”

“You’re kidding me right?”

“I did say something stupid and selfish. She was right to be angry,” he plainly says.

While still drying my hair, I say, “And I said she’s possessive.” Only I can be possessive of you Gon.

“Oh she’s not that bad. It was nice until then though. But-”

“But what?”

Gon looks up at me and smiles, “I have more fun when I’m with you.”

Dammit. Why’d you say that? I feel my face getting hot but I try to hide my blush behind the towel I’m drying my hair with. “Don’t say embarrassing stuff like that stupid. You sound like you want to date me.”

Gon smirks coyly. “Maybe.”

I slowly lower the towel to see that smirk and I get more embarrassed. Is Gon serious? Or is he just joking. I’m not sure. Then again there was that kiss...

I finish drying my hair and throw the towel on the couch while Gon watches me.

“Hey Killua,”

“What is it Gon?”

“Sorry I kissed you yesterday,” he apologizes. Why is he apologizing? I should be sorry. Besides, embarrassment aside, I did like it.

“Don’t be sorry for that dummy.” And I feel my face getting hot again as I say, “I didn’t mind it. Actually I’m sorry for um...you know, rejecting you like that.”

Gon shakes his head. “Don’t be. I guess I was too forward. It must’ve freaked you out.”

I shake my heard. “Its fine. Like I said I shouldn’t have rejected you like that. I can’t imagine how it must’ve hurt.”

Gon looks down. “It did,” he says honestly, “I thought I did something wrong. I thought you were mad at me.”

“I wasn’t; trust me on this.” I was more mad at myself than anything.

“Okay. So do you want to go on a date with me?”

“Um...I’m not sure.”

“But why? I like you. Like a lot.”

“Idiot; that has nothing to do with being friends.”

“But that’s what I’m trying to say!” Gon says, standing up to face me. He puts his hands on my shoulders. Huh? Is he saying what I think he’s saying?

“I actually did think it was funny that you were jealous at first but when I guessed that you wanted to go out on a date with me and how sad you were that I was going out with her at all...”

Gon you little-don’t put words in my mouth. “I never said-”

“You can say no all you want but I know its true,” Gon says with a knowing grin on his face.

“And guess what? I want to go out with you too. I know we’re always together already but I wanna go on an actual date with you! I want to take you somewhere nice and just enjoy ourselves. I want to treat you nice and buy you things,” and with a cute little blush on his face, he says, “because I like you...in that way.”

It takes a moment for what Gon said to sink in. He likes me in that way? In my shock, I barely notice as Gon gives me a quick kiss on the lips. He pulls away, even redder than he was a moment ago.

“So that’s it. I said it. I like you a lot. I love you Killua. Every time I’m with you I feel nice inside, really nice. And I want those feelings to continue. Believe me, I just went out with Palm to be nice. I really felt bad for not keeping my promise to her but the whole time I was with her, I wanted to be with you. Please? I want us to me more than friends. I want us to be a couple. I want to be your boyfriend.”

I still don’t say anything. I’m just in shock. Gon actually feels that way too? He loves me as well? I never expected to actually hear those words come from his mouth. How long has he been thinking about this? When we met at the hunter exam? While we were fighting at Heaven’s Arena? When we were at his house? Or maybe Greed Island? I notice Gon is looking at me expectingly like he wants me to respond.

Agh say it dummy. Say you love him as well. If you don’t, he’ll think you’re rejecting him again.

“Really? You love me?” Ugh that’s not what I wanted to say.

Gon just nods. Do something to reassure him dammit!

I reach out to him and pull him into a hug. Gon obviously wasn’t expecting it but he hugs me back regardless.

“I love you so much Gon!” I exclaim. After all my embarrassment and being afraid of my feelings, I finally said it to him. And Gon actually loves me back! This feels like a dream but I can tell, its real. This is actually real! This moment is so nice, I don’t want it to end. His body is so warm...

And then Gon says something that surprises me, “I know Killua. I just wanted to hear you say it.”

I pull back from him. “You knew…?”

Gon nods and smiles widely. “Yup! I was kinda hoping for a long time. I was actually pretty sad when you rejected me last night. I was confused and kinda scared. I thought that you didn’t like me in that way but then earlier when I was on my date with Palm, I could’ve sworn I heard you shout that you love me. It sounded kind of far away but it did sound like you. I thought maybe it was my imagination but something told me it wasn’t. I guess it kinda made me feel good about it again,” he explains.

Holy shit; he heard me? I was so far away and Gon has incredible hearing but still, he shouldn’t have heard me unless...was I really yelling that loudly? Dammit that’s so embarrassing.

“You know what else I said to Palm that got her mad?”

“Y-Yea?” I say. Oh man that’s not all is it? Did he say something embarrassing about me? “You said you had to train to help Kite, right?”

He nods. “Yea but after I heard you yell that, I kinda let it slip that I like you as well. I guess that really made her mad, me telling her I was in love with my best friend while I was on a date with her huh?”

I smack him on the head in embarrassment.

“Ow...”

“You know, you don’t _have_ to embarrass me all the time,” I scold.

Gon just replies with a smile. “I know but you’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.”

“Dammit Gon.”

After giggling a little, Gon pulls me into a deep kiss on the lips. I don’t fight it this time though, I just go with it. I relax into it and we just make out passionately for a few minutes.

He pulls away and I look at him.

“Maybe you should take a shower now,” I suggest.

“Yea.”

Gon takes off his shirt as he starts walking to the bathroom. I watch as he takes off his shorts and underwear as he walks before I look forward again. Why does he have to strip right here? Its embarrassing. But still, I can’t help but glance back at him. Oh my god that butt of his...

“Oh and tomorrow can we go on that date?” he asks.

I quickly look away. “S-Sure.”

He closes the bathroom door and begins taking his shower. I notice that he forgot a change of clothes so I get some for him out of the dresser and put them on the floor in front of the closed door. I quickly walk away before I get temped to try to peep at him.

“Change of clothes are in front of the door,” I tell him.

“Thanks.”

…

The next day we started out date. We don’t exactly go anywhere special, just some of the places he went to with Palm. Of course; he doesn’t know I stalked them so I’ve already been to all these places but the truth is, I don’t care. I’m just glad to be going out with Gon at all. But we also went out to get some Chocolate Robots but Gon to my surprise, he didn’t let me pay for a single box. He said because he’s taking me out on a date, he should be the one to pay. I don’t argue. I have a feeling that he wouldn’t budge on this anyways. He actually wanted me to have all the Chocolate Robots he bought all to myself but I wasn’t having that. I insisted he take some for himself so he does take a few for himself and we sit on a bench to enjoy our candy.

Gon unwraps a Chocolate Robot and to his surprise, its a golden color one.

“Oh!” I exclaim. “A secret one!”

“Secret?”

“Yea they’re pretty rare,” I explain. “You can sell it for a pretty good amount of money online.”

“Hm…” Gon looks at it before handing it to me. “You have it.”

“No thanks.” I kinda want to win one myself. I don’t want Gon to just give me one. I toss a few pieces of chocolate into my mouth.

“Come on Killua,” he insists, “Remember, I bought these for you so this one should be yours. You’re the one who insisted I take some.”

“If you insist,” I take the secret robot out of his hand and put it in my backpack. “Thanks.”

Gon turns to me. “Hey Killua, you never told me what happened. How’d you get that wound too?” He asks, referring to the wound from when I jammed my thumb into my forehead.

“Don’t worry about it Gon. It doesn’t matter anymore, believe me.” I hope he just leaves it like that. I really don’t want to talk to him about how I was ready to leave him and Illumi’s needle. Not yet anyways.

I expected Gon to protest. I know how much he hates when I hide stuff from him but to my surprise, he faces forward again and says, “Ok.”

I look back at him. “Really? Are you sick? I expected you to keep bugging me about it,” and to emphasize my point I playfully put a hand to his head to see if he has a fever.

Gon laughs. “Stop that Killua. I just figure whatever it was, you’re feeling better now right? You’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

I take my hand away from his forehead and nod. “I will...one day.”

I lean back on the bench and eat more chocolate when I feel Gon lay his head on my lap. I look down at him and he looks up at me and we both smile. I would definitely be too embarrassed to stay like this normally but today I don’t care. I just want this moment to last forever.

**Author's Note:**

> So what's you think. It was heartbreaking when Killua was so set on leaving Gon forever even though he really didn't want to. He really thought it would be for Gon's own good but it was stupid Illumi and that needle. Good thing Killua pulled it out huh?


End file.
